.

I miss you all over again. everything you once said to me, it's replaying over and over in my head.

you wanted us to last forever. I remember telling you not to be silly 'cos nothing lasts forever. you promised that I won't lose you. I still did. you were th best to me, yet I didn't do my all to keep you by my side. now I have to feel th pain by seeing you love someone else in th future. you said you didn't understand why people can't stay friends after breakups. I told you it's because of th different type of love between friendships and relationships that makes it difficult to stay friends. I said I didn't understand why boys get over breakups so easily and you told me (maybe it only applies to you) that it's not about getting over or not. it's about doing something within your own means. you told me if you can't salvage then retain. I told you I didn't understand and you said if I can't salvage you as my boyfriend, then retain you as my best friend.

but I keep doing my same mistakes over and over, something you absolutely hate. I rly don't know what you want from me. you just want me to change, get rid of my laziness and my attitude. I hesitate to text you each morning but I still do for god knows what reason. only to have you not reply me during some part of th day due to my mistakes.

it's not that I don't want to get rid of my negativity. everything and everyone around me makes it hard for me to be positive. I haven't rly enjoyed my holidays 'cos I'm at home everyday without plans to go out. others still have people there for them when they feel sad, when they're not in a relationship anymore. for me, no one. no one to ask me to cheer up, no one to help me get over this breakup, no one who's actually there to do things worthy of getting my mind off this breakup. I'm sick of always being there for people and having no one do th same in return.

you promised me that we'll still do our usual best friends stuffs together. you said you'll still watch movies with me. you said you'll still go out with me. I rly need you to be here for me just like how you always are. that no matter what happens, I still have you by my side. as my best friend and nothing more.

I'm not supposed to cry. I promised you. it's just that I miss you so much till it's hard for me not to. I miss that you used to be there for me no matter what happens but I hurt you so much for you to do that any longer.

I wonder if you still read this space. because if you do, you'll know I've been hiding lots of things from you. that I don't cry anymore 'cos I still do. I wanted to say this to you last night but I didn't because it'll be awkward. that I love you bestfriend. always have, always will. 